My Story: Finding Freedom in Jesus

Hey, y’all. My name is Avery Vester and I am a fearless & authentic woman of God who passionately and intentionally loves and leads others by speaking God’s truth into their lives.  That may have been a lot to digest and understand, but I am going to share my testimony with you and how the Lord has moved and worked in my life.  I haven’t always walked in my Identity as a Daughter of the King, but as I grew to know Christ the more I understood my identity in Him.  

I grew up in a Christian household but there was no consistent practice within my family.  We rarely went to church and we didn’t talk about Jesus openly.  As a child, I remember always sitting with my parents in “grown up” church and my grandmother talking to me about Jesus, but I didn’t make the decision to follow Christ until I was in the 4^th grade.  I knew a lot about Christ but I didn’t know how to have a relationship with Him.  During this time, I struggled with worry, guilt, and not being enough for those around me.  I am a perfectionist and I felt that I had to earn my worth and prove my value to others.  I felt that I had to be a perfect follower of Christ for it to actually matter and for me to be able to say I am a daughter of the King.  I thought that if I wasn’t a perfect Christian then God would be disappointed in me.  I don’t know if y’all have ever tried to be perfect, but I know at least for me that I failed every single time.  I could never meet the expectations of perfection I put on myself.  I was always “too quiet” “a goodie two shoes” “too smart” “not good enough” at certain things “too weird” or “not cool enough”.  I felt that if I couldn’t be the label people gave me all the time then it wasn’t true.  I thought what others said about me was who I was as a person.  Not good enough or too much of something.  I was scared to disappoint others by not meeting the things they expected me to be.  That continued from childhood into middle school.  I was always scared to be who I was because of the labels people put on me that defined me.

As I mentioned earlier, I didn’t have a consistent church life growing up.  The only consistent spiritual nourishment that I got was my week at Camp Willow Run during the summer each year. I was first introduced to what it meant to be in a relationship with the Lord during the summer before 7^th grade when I came to camp for the first time.  I didn’t fully understand what it meant but the seeds were being planted and roots were being formed.  

During my 9th grade year, my family started to go to church every Sunday.  I still lacked the one on one relationship with Christ, but I was building the knowledge I had which aided me in my walk later on in my life. 

 High school was starting and I was trying to figure out who I was and find my identity.  I searched for it everywhere but the Bible.  I looked for it in boys, sports, grades, friends, and relationships.  It was never really a Godly identity it was always a worldly identity that met people’s expectations of me and who they said I was.  

I felt that I had to live up to who they said I needed to be “louder”, “more outgoing”, “smart”, “perfect”, “beautiful”, “sporty”, “put together”, “in control”, “popular”, and “talented”.

Halfway through my 10th-grade year, I began to struggle with my body image. Those struggles grew into an eating disorder that consumed me for almost two years.  I lost sight of God. I tried to fill the God-sized void in my life with being in control of how others saw me and my appearance.  The problem was that I was seeking a worldly identity that is always changing instead of a Godly identity that never changes.  

The most distinct week of Camp Willow Run was my week as a rising senior.  I came to camp waging war against my eating disorder and was just looking for someone to stand by my side in the trenches with me.  Laura Keegan gave her testimony that week and the Lord knew I needed to hear how He was working in her life at the time.  Laura had recently overcome what I had been going through.  God knew I needed to hear there was a way out and that it wasn’t my own doing or by my strength.  I talked to Laura about her past and how God had helped her defeat her struggles and she pointed me to Psalm 139:14. “for I am fearfully and wonderfully made; wonderful are your works my soul knows that full well.”  That verse is something I live by and it is very close to my heart.  Talking with Laura made me realize that God uses our hardest battles to mentor and help others that are going through similar things.  I started to view my eating disorder differently.  I looked at is as a gateway to share God’s love.  I didn’t see it as something to be ashamed of anymore. Satan gives us shame and guilt and God gives us redemption and grace through His mercy.  That same summer I was baptized.  I was declaring my love for the Lord and how I wanted to live my life for Him.  I wanted to let others know that I was not a slave to my sin and that Jesus lived in me.

After I got back from camp, my friend from church invited me to be a part of a mentoring group.   I was so excited to be able to be a part of that group because I had never been asked to do much of anything with my church.  We met on September 25, 2018, and that was the day that God broke my chains and set me free.  I could never go longer than a few days before I went back to old eating habits, but the days turned into weeks and weeks into months and now I have been free for over 4 years.  Being set free at that time, showed me how I only had to seek God and that nothing else mattered.  (“But seek first the kingdom of God and his righteousness, and all these things will be added to you.” Matthew 6:33) I needed to learn how to play for an audience of one instead of everyone else around me. That’s when I found my Godly identity.  The worldly one was no longer something I wanted.  I started to drop the labels that used to define me.  I started to let myself live more freely instead of trying to be perfect for everyone around me. 

During senior year, I grew close to God and became rooted in my faith.  The baby roots that formed my first year of camp were growing and multiplying.  Seeking the Lord during high school was like swimming upstream.  Going against the flow of society, brought about so many challenges, especially when trying to find people to chase after the Lord alongside me.  I didn’t have a strong Christian community in high school which was disheartening.  When I tell y’all I prayed daily for a community that was on fire for Christ, I am not kidding.  It was something I desired and needed in my life.  I was lacking people to pour into me.  It was so hard to go against the grain and be who God was calling me to be.  During my senior year,  also found out that I struggle with moderate anxiety.  I have been an anxious person since I was little, but it came in full swing my senior year.  I had never had to deal with anxiety attacks before and I had no idea what to do to manage them.  I questioned why I was always seeking control and constantly worrying.  I wondered why I could trust the Lord and still question His plan for my life.  My anxiety was a new journey that God was taking me on, so I buckled up and went along for the ride.  I had to learn how to give up control, trust that the Lord would provide, and that He would take me where He wanted me.  

Applying to college, was one of the most stressful things I experienced my senior year.  I was aiming to get into the College of Design at NCSU and was so worried that I wouldn’t get into my dream school.  It was a constant battle between surrendering all to the Lord and trying to pick up what I had left at His feet.  After my acceptance, I was excited for my next steps but also so worried about starting over and being a small fish in the giant sea at NC State.

The struggle with finding a community continued into my freshman year of college at NCSU, but I was hopeful that God would provide.  The first thing I did on campus was get involved at a  local church.  I started to make my faith my own and really began to intentionally seek the Lord.  Being away from family enabled me to fully rely on the Lord for comfort and peace.  I started to invest in a Christian community.  God provided a community within my church and around campus.  The biggest source of my anxiety was trampled the very first day I stepped foot onto campus as a student.  God is a provider and He continues to make that known every single day.  

God used my biggest troubles to show me that it is extremely important to seek Him above all else.  He also used them to mature me in my faith so I would be ready to meet my friends in college.

My freshman year of college challenged me in many ways.  I had started a new relationship with a guy that I had been interested in, I joined a sorority, and COVID sent us back home for the last half of the spring semester.  Over the course of my freshman year I hit many highs and lows.  I grew apart from the Lord and I drew close to Him.  It was a year of rebounding when all I needed to do was dwell.  

My anxiety consumed me a majority of the time causing me to isolate myself and not talk to others.  My boyfriend (at the time) and I got way too close too fast which caused relational issues and lots of guilt after it ended.  

My fear of disappointing others was prevalent in my second semester of my freshman year.  I wanted to prove that I belonged and that I could keep up with everyone.  I was vulnerable spiritually because I didn’t consistently spend time in the Word clothing myself with the armor of God.  My faith was really challenged when I joined a sorority.   I did things that were not Godly to prove to myself that I belonged.  I sought the approval of myself and other’s expectations over what God had already taught me. I am a beloved child of the King and I was living as if I had to prove myself.  I was molding my expectations to the world instead of to the Word.  My relationship with Christ was constantly being challenged and tested.  I was struggling with being lukewarm instead of on fire.  

Half way through my freshman year, I applied to work at Camp Willow Run as a counselor.  A job that I had been dreaming of  since the 7^th grade.  The application asked me tough questions and really made me think about what the world says vs. what God says. I had no idea how eye opening the application would be, but it helped me analyze my own heart and how I was trying to live.  

After being sent home because of COVID, I was able to spend more time with Christ.  I grew in my relationship with Him, but I still looked at the approval of others and myself.  My friend group from college became a poor influence on my life and it was hard to seek the Lord while being close with them. I was seeking to have a faith that withstood the storms of life.  Even as I wandered on my walk with God, I was still being shaped by the choices I was making.  

I was hired as a counselor for Camp Willow Run and that was the best summer ever.  I knew camp was an amazing place but being on staff was even better than being a camper.  I grew closer to God and my spiritual health thrived.  I grew so much in the short 6 weeks we were able to work.  That summer was important.  I grew in so many ways. I deepened my relationship with the Lord and followed His direction.  The roots that had been growing and multiplying were actually getting nourished and my relationship with the Lord finally bloomed.  I learned the importance of community and that impacted who I remained friends with after coming back to school.  Leaving camp was hard because I knew I was going back to a broken community and I didn’t feel like Raleigh was my home.  Thankfully, God is a great provider and He gave me 32 people that would encourage me and cheer me on. God used them to keep me accountable, grow my faith, and bless me with community even if they weren’t living near me.  They encouraged me from many miles away and they have had such an impact on my life. 

My second year of college was filled with growth, friends, and life lessons.  My anxiety became something that was so overwhelming it felt like I was drowning.  I had a rough first month of college and decided I needed to get some help.  I started to go to Christian Counseling.  In doing that, I have been able to slow down and look at situations differently, so my anxiety doesn’t run rampant.  There are still days when it is hard to even get out of bed, but even on those days, I am joyful because the Lord is my strength and my refuge.  I also struggled with being involved in the community at school because of how different it was from being in the camp community.  As the weeks went on, I grew closer to the girls I was living with and further from the friends I did not need to be around.  It was hard to let those friendships fizzle out, but it was made evident that I was no longer called to that friend group.  

All those prayers in high school for a community that was on fire for the Lord were finally answered when I came to camp and then went back to school.  I had to start from scratch, but the Lord provided an easy transition and blessed the friendships that were formed.  The girls I lived with turned into my best friends and the friends from camp still loved on me even though they lived far away and had lives of their own.  I finally had a community that had their own consistent relationship with the Lord.  They are here fighting in the trenches with me and are able to speak truth into my life when I start to doubt or wander.  Proverbs 27:17 says “As iron sharpens Iron, so one person sharpens another.”  I finally had a community that helped fuel my growth.

I got more plugged into my church away from home and started to serve in different areas.  I got involved in the student ministry and started to lead a group of 10^th grade girls each week.  It was like camp all over again and it set my soul on fire. They have been a huge blessing in my life because of the JOY they spread and how they love one another and Jesus.  

During April of 2021, I took a trip to Texas with my dad and that trip has impacted my faith so much over the year.  We attended a conference that helped direct the attendees to create a personal statement of faith, which is basically a mission statement about who you are and your Identity in Christ.  It is something I say to myself every single day and it helps remind me that my identity is a Child of God and not the other things people say I am or the expectations others hold me to.  Walking in my Godly Identity has given me so much freedom to grow and bloom in who I am in Christ.  I am no longer trying to define myself with the labels others have given me but as a Daughter of The most High.

After my second year of college, I began to prepare myself for a summer of driving boats at camp.   The summer was hard, but it was so fruitful.  I deepened friendships from the last summer and made many more friends.  My patience was tested and I had many long days in the sun, but God was at work the whole time.  I even had the blessing of giving my testimony.  That was the moment that sealed the deal for me and truly revealed my passion for speaking and sharing my story.  I knew that was what God was calling me to do.   It wasn’t even a week later when the devil tried to sneak in and convince me I want good enough or that my calling wasn’t correct.  He told me little lies to try to deter me from doing what God has called me to do.  I began to listen to those lies and lose confidence in what the Lord had placed on my heart, but after confiding in friends and allowing them to speak truth to me I was reminded that my confidence doesn’t need to be in myself, but instead in what the Lord can do through ordinary people.  I took this lesson back to school with me the following fall when I entered my third year of college.  

My third year of college was full of learning how to be there for people, how to lose a loved one, how to turn away from temptations, how to understand the life God calls us to live, and how to fall in love with honoring the Lord with everything in my life.  I was still serving in my church with the student ministry and those people became my family that I ran to when life got hard.  My housemates (the Grant Goobers) were the foundation of my senior year.  I would not be where I am today without their love, support, and laughter.  I lost two close family members over that year and it really took a toll on my mental health.  I had to learn to be okay with not being able to say goodbye and allowing myself to feel the hard emotions.  God was a constant in those times of uncertainty and grieving.  I also temporarily lost a really close friend due to life situations and it was extremely hard to learn how to live without them to walk by my side during those hard times.

The trials we face are put in our life to challenge our faith and to produce endurance.  Romans 5: 3-6 says, “Not only that, but we rejoice in our sufferings, knowing that suffering produces endurance, and endurance produces character, and character produces hope, and hope does not put us to shame, because God’s love has been poured into our hearts through the Holy Spirit who has been given to us.”

I Graduated from NC State in May of 2022. After that, I spent another summer driving boats at Camp Willow Run. The Lord worked in crazy ways and I learned so much. I learned how important prayer is and the power behind God’s promises.

I am currently in my first year of Grad school and adjusting to life while living back at home and working part-time(which is more like full-time most weeks). It has been difficult, but the Lord is shaping and growing me into who He has called me to be. Sometimes we have to walk through a refining fire to get rid of the impurities we have. Our trials are what make our faith stronger.

Walking in my Godly Identity has given me so much freedom to grow and bloom in who I am in Christ.  I am no longer trying to define myself with the labels others have given me but as a Daughter of The King. This isn’t the end of God’s story because each day is adding something new.  This is just the story of how I came to know Christ and how I have grown my relationship with Him since then.  

I am not defined by my guilt.

I am not defined by my worry.

I am not defined by being enough.

I am not defined by how perfect I can be.

I am not defined by how quiet I am.

I am not defined by being a goodie two shoes.

I am not defined by my intelligence.

I am not defined by being weird.

I am not defined by how outgoing I can be. 

I am not defined by my outward appearance.

I am not defined by how athletic I am.

I am not defined by how well I can act like I have it all together.

I am not defined by how in control I can be.

I am not defined by my popularity.

I am not defined by my talents.

I am not defined by my worldly worth.

I am not defined by my eating disorder.

I am not defined by my anxiety.

I am defined by my Identity in Christ.

 5 takeaways 🙂

1. Our labels are not our measuring sticks
2.  Hold things loosely God knows the best plan for our lives. That doesn’t mean smooth sailing, just a way out of the storm.
3. You are a child of God when you fail and wander as long as you have Christ in your heart. 
4. Pray for and seek a Godly community that can speak God’s truth into your life because they know His voice for themselves 
5. Our walk with the Lord is not a 3 minute mile it’s a life long marathon

So hey thanks for hanging with me, my name is Avery and I am a fearless & authentic woman of God who passionately and intentionally loves and leads others by speaking God’s truth into their lives.